Me, Weasels, and the Akatsuki
by itachilover707
Summary: srry ppl, i SUCK at summarys. its about the akatsuki showing up out of NOWHERE in my house O.o.......just read and reveiw PLZ! this is my 1st story. AND I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! thats not in it SRRY! im a 1st timer on here so ill eventually figure it out!
1. Chapter 1

Me, Weasels, and the Akatsuki

CRASH!!!!! I shoot up straight in my bed and listen. I hear……Deidara? Yelling at……Tobi? 'What the fuck is going on? I wonder. I climb out of bed, open my door quietly and the yelling gets louder. Then I hear a lot of 'Tobi's sorry!' and a 'shut up Tobi.' I sneak into the hall and look into the living room/kitchen. I have to blink twice, rub my eyes and pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I look again. There they are, plain as day. The Akatsuki, all of them. And a chair was knocked over. That must've been the crash I heard. Deidara looked annoyed, but, then again, wasn't he always annoyed? I study them further. Even the people who were supposed to be dead we're there. 'Kami, what is going on?' I think. I quietly sneak back to my room and close the door softly. Then I sit and think. 'What the hell are the akatsuki doing in my house?? And how did they get here????' I look at the clock. 9:30 a.m. 'fuck, I can't think like this early in the morning without coffee. Hmmmmm……..what am I gonna do?' I think for a minute. Then I stand up, pull together my best acting skills, and go into the living room. I act tired and pretend to not see them for a second. Then I "see" them and yell, "OH MY EFFIN GOD WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!" and kisame, who was standing next to me, rubs his ears and mutters under his breath. Then all kinds of weapons are pointed at me. "Who are you, un?" Deidara asks. I ignore him. "PEOPLE! THIS MY HOUSE! SO QUIT WITH THE WEAPONS!!" I say. "Don't kill her, she can help us. So put your weapons away." Pain says. The weapons disappear. "Thank you," I say and walk over to the coffee maker and start it. I turn and lean on the counter. "Where are we?" Pain asked. 'Oh god hard question first.' I thought. "ok, um……how can I put this where you guys won't be confused………ok, this is the real world, for the people who live here. Where you guys come from is a made-up world for us." I explained as best I could. Pain processed that for a minute. "So that means we're not supposed to be real right?" he asked. I nodded. "Then how and why are we here?" Konan asked. "I don't know," I said "but I will try to help you, if you want." Pain considered this for a minute, and then looked at Tobi to where nobody but me noticed. Tobi gave a small nod. "Ok," Pain said. "All right then!" I said, pushing myself off the counter. "First things first, the rules here. 1. Don't kill anybody. 2. You can't go anywhere with those clothes on, people will recognize you. So wait until I get you guy's new clothes. 3. Ummmm…..don't tell people who you are, please! And…..that's it!" by that time the coffee was done, so I made myself a cup. Then I started heading to my room, making plans. 'Ok so…..Pain, Konan, Kakuzu, and Itachi can stay here. Hidan and Tobi can stay at Carly's place, and Dei, Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu can stay at Hannah's. That is, if they're ok with it.' By that time I'm in my room, getting my cell phone. I go back into the living room with it. "You don't mind if I tell two of my friends u guys are here, do you? I don't have enough room for all you guys." I said. "Can you trust them? And didn't you say that nobody is to know…?" Pain asked. "Grrr, I hate it when people do that," I muttered. "We can trust these two. And they are the only exception to the rule." "Ok then," Pain said. So I text Hannah asking her to come over with Carly.

* * *

"WHAT?!?!?!" they yelled simultaneously. "Shut up! Before anybody hears you!!! If you don't believe me, let's go inside, they're in there!!" I say. I turned and lead them inside. I watched their faces as they took in the Akatsuki. Their mouths dropped open. Hannah took me and Carly by the arms and dragged us into my room. "Are they cosplayers?" Hannah asked. "No. I checked before you guys got here. They are the real deal." I said. "How did you check?" Carly asked. "I looked at Dei's hands," I replied. "They're real." "Oh Kami," said Hannah. "How did they get here??" I shrug. "I don't know. All I know is that I heard a crash and I look and they're in my living room." "Oh god what are we going to do?" Carly asked. "Well, I was thinking that we could try to figure out what brought them here. And until we do, I don't have enough room for them here." "I'll take some," Hannah offered. Then I notice a plant thing sticking out of my wall. "ZETSU WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" I yelled. Hannah and Carly turned to see what I was yelling at. "Oh my god." They both said. "Pain told me to keep an eye on you three until we can trust you," Zetsu explained. "Ok," I said. "Hey, you don't mind staying at Hannah's do you? Just don't eat anybody." I pointed to Hannah. "That's Hannah." "Ummmm….ok," Zetsu said. "Ok," I said. "It sounds like you already have things figured out," Carly said. "y-e-s….." I said slowly. "So what do you have figured out…?" Hannah asked. "Where each one is going to stay," I said. "Who's where?" Hannah asked. "Pain, Konan, Itachi and Kakuzu stay here. Dei, Sasori, Shark-man, and Zetsu stays with you Hannah. And…" I say. "Hidan and Tobi with me, right?" Carly asked. "Yup!" I said, smiling. "Now let's go get proper introductions," I say, getting up and skipping out. Hannah and Carly both sweat drop. "You seriously didn't tell them your name?" Hannah asked. "Don't judge me!!!!!!" I say. "Wow," said Hannah. "Come on," I said. We go into the living room. "Hey! These peoples are Hannah," I say, pointing to Hannah. "And Carly" I point to Carly. "Okay, so seeing as I don't have enough room for all of you guys, Hannah and Carly have given their ok to let some of you to stay at their houses." "Who's going where?" asked Kisame. "Ok, Itachi, Pain, Konan, and Kakuzu stay here. Deidara, Sasori, Zetsu, and Kisame are at Hannah's. Hidan, Tobi, your obviously at Carly's." I say. Deidara looked really happy getting away from Tobi while they were here. "But before you leave, we have to get you new clothes." I said.


	2. Chapter 2

**OK PPL! This is Chap. 2 of Me, Weasels, and the Akatsuki. To make mine, Hannah's, and Carly's ages clear, I'm 18 going 19, Hannah's 19, and Carly is 17. PLZ R&R! WARNING!: I am very hyper in this because I was hyper when I wrote it. I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! If I did Itachi would b alive. And mine……... and a special thanks 2 all the ppl who reviewed my last chappie! I appreciate all the reviews. Plz keep reading! And click the button at the bottom that says "review this chapter"! lolz X3 XD XP**

"Ok, the people staying here are good. Those of you who are leaving needs to get changed," I said. I just got a few nods and glares. "Hey! My house, my world. Don't glare at me." I said. I got even more glares. "Hey! What did I just say?" Everyone who glared just looked away. "Thank you," I said, spinning around, thinking.  
"What are you doing, un?" Deidara asked.  
"She's thinking," Hannah answered. "Alyssa! Quit! You're making me dizzy," she complained. I just stuck my tongue out at her and went to my room to turn on my music. That mainly consisted of goth and alternative music. I turned on my laptop, went to my facebook page, and launched my playlist. 'This is Halloween' blasted through the speakers. Rather loudly, I might add. A few of the boys came to see what it was. I just closed the door in their faces. Then my favorite band, Creature Feature, started to play. I sang along with the music for a while. Then Pain came in.  
"I thought you were trying to figure out what we're supposed to wear while we're here." He said.  
"I'm getting to that. O! Itachi would look good if he looked like he owned a business or something." I said, starting to spin again.  
"Wow," Pain said as he left. I just shrugged and stopped spinning. 'now, what about the other's?' I shrugged and kept singing. Then my playlist stopped and I went to an actual CD. I popped my second 'Nightmare Before Christmas' into my stereo and pressed replay. This time I danced while I sang. After a while I got tired of it and turned it off. I went back into the living room. I sat down and just stared/ glared at the Akatsuki as I tried to figure out what each one should wear.  
"Konan, you can borrow my mom's clothes. I think you can fit." I told her. She just nodded.  
"I'm hungry." Hidan complained loudly.  
"There's food in the fridge. Just don't touch the chicken or I will kill you and make sure you stay dead." I said, glaring at him.  
"Is this her in one of her evil moods?" Carly asked, who has never seen me in one of my evil moods.  
"Yes," said Hannah. "Though I don't know why." I turned my glare on her and she shut up. I let out a small, evil laugh, and returned my glare back to Hidan. He pulled out the chicken, MY chicken, out of the fridge.  
"YOU BAKA! THAT'S THE CHICKEN!" I yelled. He hurriedly put it back and grabbed something else entirely. "Thank you. You can have that." I said sweetly. Giving up on Hidan, I turned my gaze to Pain. With all those piercings, he could easily pass for someone in an alternative slash goth band. "Pain! What size shirt do you wear? And pants?" I burst out suddenly.  
"Um, large 4 for the shirt and I don't know about the pants." He said, looking at me like I was insane.  
"I'll be right back," I said, going into my parents' room. I grab a pair of my dad's pants and come back. "Go and try these on. If they fit, I know what size to get you. If they're too big, we'll go lower. If they're to tight, which I doubt, then we'll go higher." I said to him, giving him the pants and pushing him into my parents' room. I closed the door after he was in. A few minutes later he came out.  
"They fit." He said, looking a little annoyed.  
"Ok, u can get into your clothes again and give me those pants," I instructed. He did as I said and came back with my dad's pants. I looked at the size and made a mental note 2 write it down. I put the pants up and glared at Dei, trying to figure out what he should wear. I couldn't think of anything that would look good on him. "Deidara, take away your cloak and fishnets and you should be good," I told him. He just rolled his eyes at me, but did as I said. I glared at the rest of them, trying to figure out what they should wear. After a few minutes I gave up. I didn't know them well enough to decide what they should wear. "Hannah, Carly! You guys are gonna have to figure out what the rest of them should wear. I can't think of anything." I told them.  
"Ok….." said Hannah. Carly nodded.  
"Ok. So you guys can take your assigned akatsuki and go if you want," I said.

**YAY! SECOND CHAP IS DONE B4 I HAVE 2 GIVE MY LAPTOP BACK TO THE SCHOOL! Though I may or may not update until I get it back next school year……I may get Hannah to post it. I my parents don't kno I have this…XD but dnt tell them that O.o PLZ PUSH THE BUTTON RIGHT BELOW THIS…! I need reviews T.T**


	3. Chapter 3

**SCHOOLS BACK! WOO! Time 4 updating! 3 lolz. I never got Hannah's pov…..oh well. Ill just do it in mine ^^. ON 2 THE STORY! (I iz hyper again…...)**

I closed the door once Hannah and Carly left, and turned to the akatsuki that I have. 'Maybe no business suit 4 itachi…..' I thought.  
" So where are your parents?" Itachi asked "you shouldn't be home alone this young….." the others nodded in agreement.  
" I am 19, thank you very much. And just because I'm short does NOT mean I can't kick butt" I retorted. "And my parents and brother are in Germany for a few months" I went to the fridge and pulled out my chicken and made a sandwich. While I ate, I stared hard at Kakuzu. 'Maybe he would be ok in a suit…' I thought. I finished and went through my mom's stuff for konan. I came back with a couple of shirts and jeans. "Try these on, Konan," I told her, handing them to her. She took them and went into my parents room to put them on. A few minutes later she came out. "They fit?" I asked.  
"Yes" she said.  
"Ok. 2morrow we are gonna go shopping. No complaining." I said. I got a few glares from them, but I ignored them and went to my room.

-Carly-

I jammed my keys into the ignition of the SUV, and chuckled when I saw the two akatsuki jump as the motor roared to life. "This is a car if you don't know. It's my source of transportation." Hidan raised an eyebrow while the masked idiot pressed himself against the window, waving goodbye to the others. "I don't live too far from here so the wait won't be long." Silence was all that was heard in the car, so I turned on my I-pod, searching for _Rob Zombie. _I smiled excitedly as I found my song and pressed play, pulling out of the driveway. I tapped my finger on the steering wheel as I turned a corner.

_Dig through the Ditches_

_and Burn through the witches, _

_and slam in the back of my Dracula. _

Looking through the review mirror, I could clearly see Hidan was enjoying the song. His head slightly bopped to the music and I smirked, happy he wasn't nagging about his religion for once.

_Do it baby. _

_Do it baby._

_Do it baby _

_Do it baby, _

_Burn like an animal._

I sped up to 30, driving over the city overpass. I heard a gasp from Tobi. The sight of the city above seemed to amaze him. I took a sharp turn around a corner, getting too involved in the song.

"UHG! That hurt" Tobi wined, smooshed by the force of the turning car.

"Sorry, the roads suck" I lied, trying not to giggle from the stupid excuse. "Here we are!" I exclaimed when my house was visible. I pulled into the garage and turned off the car, the music going with it.

"How do you get out of this thing...?" Hidan demanded , pounding on the window. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his arm.

"Pull the latch" I quietly murmured, eyeing him closely. Rolling his eyes, he pulled the handle and jumped out, the hot summer air invading the cool car. Tobi followed, walking spotting the door that lead into the house. Pulling the keys out of my pocket, I walked up to the door and unlocked it, leading the way for the others. "O.K.!" I shouted, swiveling around to face them. "This is my house. And with my house comes rules. You need to follow them or I WILL kick your butt!"

"You can't tell me what to do! Only Jashin-sama can!"

"I DONT GIVE A CRAP! MY HOUSE MY RULES BUDDY!" The two of them looked a little taken back from my outburst. I cleared my throat. "These rules are simple. 1. Don't touch anything I haven't given the permission to touch.2. Don't go outside without my permission. I have nosey neighbors.3. No killing anybody! Even if Jashin wants you to. 4. Don't answer the door when a nock comes." Both of them nodded their heads quietly. It was obvious Hidan was a bit ticked he couldn't perform sacrifices.  
"That's is guys. Now go into the living room and sit down. I'm ordering out tonight." I walked to the phone in the kitchen and slumped against the counter. _This is gonna be a long night..._


	4. Chapter 4

**-my POV-**

**I walk back out of my room and see that they're looking for something to watch n TV. "let me kno when its…5:30. I'm gonna be in the garage."**

****

**"why?" kakuzu asked.**

**"because I have something to work on in there. Just come get me then so I can get a shower and cook." I reply. Then I walk to the door. "And don't mess up anything. Some of its irreplaceable and others are way expensive." **

**They nod, finding something to watch and I head out to work on my 4 year going project. My first car. Fun fun, right? 'Things should never take this long. Leave it to daddy to find the worst fixer upper out there. Good thing I have a motorcycle. :3' **

**I unlock the door and turn on the light and open the car port door thingy. Then I get to work on the beat up, rusty, creaky truck. Sometime later I hear someone come in **

**"5:30 yet?" I ask**

**"No, I got bored." Came the reply. I crawl out from underneath the truck and see Itachi standing there.**

**"Hi. So you came out here to watch me work on this thing?" I ask**

**"Basically." He replied.**

**"If my neighbors come over you're my 2nd cousin from Japan. Ok?" I say. **

**He nods and I crawl back under. 5 minutes later I hear someone coming from the alley.**

****

"Hi Alyssa. How's it coming?" my neighbor, Leroy, asks, coming in.

"pretty good" I reply, trying to get unscrew the nut off of the oil container.

"Well, who's this?" Leroy asks.

****

"I'm Itachi, her 2

nd cousin from Japan," itachi says

**.  
"I didn't know you had relatives from Japan" Leroy says**

****

"me either, until he showed u on my doorstep this morning" I say in a strained voice. I finally get it off and oil pours out. "Holy crap Leroy! Look at this!" I crawl out and show him the nut that was in place.

"Now how did that stay on?" he wondered out loud, looking at the twisted, almost unrecognizable piece of metal.

"Who knows….I'm surprised I got it out." I say, bending down and looking at the oil "How long has that been in there…?" I wonder.

"awissa!" I hear someone cry.

"im in my garage, mo" I call 2 her. A lil 5 year old comes running in and over to me.  
"hi!" she says "your dirty" she wrinkles her nose

"Ya think mo? Im working on my car." I tell her

"it makes you really dirty…" she looks around and sees itachi and hides behind Leroy.

"hi" Itachi says. Momo peaks out from behind Leroy's legs.

"That's Momo, Michaela, my other neighbors daughter."

"Mo? Where'd u go?" I hear Kirby, Momo's mother, call

"She's in here Miss Kirby," I call. Later it was 5:30 and everyone left so I could relax for the rest of the evening. And maybe catch up on college homework. I took a shower and fixed dinner then went to my laptop and pulled up my assignments. I got it all done a few hours later and looked at the clock and sighed.

**-Carly's POV- the next day-**

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

My hand flew from under my warm cozy covers and onto the snooze button of my annoying alarm clock. I groaned, knowing I would have to drop the two akatsuki off at either Hannah's or Alyssa's house; I had work.

Grabbing the sheets, I tore them away from body and stumbled out onto the floor, trying to wake up. The room was spinning a little and I had a major headache. I picked myself up and threw my bed head in a bun and slowly walked down the stairs trying to get down safely. Unfortunately, my attempt failed as my foot slipped on the carpet stairs and I made a head dive onto the cold hardwood floor of my living room.

"HAHAHA! That was fucking awesome!" Said a voice coming from the living room.

I stood up and glared at Hidan, walking into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

"Where's Tobi?" I drowsily asked, some of my coffee missing the cup as I poured it.

"I dunno…"

I rolled my eyes and walked into the living room, staring at the recliner Tobi had slept on. The blanket he used was on the floor in a messy heap.

_Oh great… _I thought. _Madara Uchiha on the loose…_

At this moment, I didn't care. I had my coffee and that was all that mattered.

"Listen Hidan" I mumbled sleepily, sitting on the couch.

"I have work today, so I'm gonna drop you and Tobi off at Alyssa's house, ok?"

He nodded his head grumpily and sat on the Recliner, studying his hands. Suddenly he looked at me with a mischievous look.

"You know, for a bossy bitch, you're pretty hot."

I laughed at this, rolling my eyes and standing up. "Sorry Hidan, I'm already taken." I smiled with a slight blush as I remembered I would see _him_ at work that day.

"You're taken? By who? I bet he's a fucking pussy!"

I giggled, knowing in some places, Hidan was absolutely right. "Well, everyone's a pussy at some point. Even you are Hidan."

Knowing he'd be pretty pissed after that comment I booked it upstairs and went to my closet, pulling out my black button up work shirt that listed my name in a small white. I worked as a mechanic in town. I had followed in my daddy's footsteps and became an official grease monkey.

Throwing off my oversized pajama top, I grabbed my work shirt and began to button it on, until I heard a noise, coming from the office, the room next to mine.

_TOBI! _I thought, spinning around and rushing into the office.

"Tobi shouldn't be in here, should he?" He whimpered, hidden under the desk.

"Tobi! What are you doing in here?" I exclaimed, helping him out from his uncomfortable position.

"Tobi got scared. Hidan was being mean to him!"

I tried not the snicker from the thought of Madara Uchiha, being scared by Hidan, a complete idiot.

"Oh come on Mada – err, Tobi," I stumbled, quickly trying to cover my mistake "It's just Hidan…" A moment of silence filled the room. Neither one of us said anything, though we both knew the big mistake I had just made.

I backed away a little, trying to break off the conversation. "I-I have to get ready for work _TOBI _so why don't you just go downstairs and wait…"

Without one word, he went downstairs. I sighed in relief and finished getting dressed.

Undershirt, check

Clean Work shirt, check

Clean work jeans, Check

Steeled toe boots, check

When I was done dressing, I grabbed the phone and dialed Alyssa's number. At rang five times before the answering machine went off.

_Hey, this is Alyssa. Sorry I couldn't reach the phone. Just leave a message! _

"Hey, this is Carly; I have work today from 8am to 3:30. I need you to take Hidan and Tobi. Sorry this is so sudden. Talk to you later."

"Alrighty boys," I said, noting they were fully dressed in their usual attire. "Were going now."

I lead the two of them outside of my house and onto the curb, where our family's pride was parked; "Old Blue" A 1972 Ford f-150.

"Looks like you're both gunna' have to squeeze in here." I said, climbing into the truck." The two akatsuki climbed into the truck. I smiled as I heard the familiar roar of the Fords motor.

"Nothing better than a ford…" I murmured, putting it into drive and heading to work.

-My pov-

I hear a phone ringing, but ignore it. 'damn neighbors, turn it down. Love u guys n all but jeez, it the morning' I think and roll over. Then I realize its my phone. I tear my covers off and go down my ladder as fast as I can and I grab my purse and dig for my cell. But by that time it stopped. "Dammit!" I check 2 c who it was from and listen 2 the message. 'wtf? How can she even get up this early…?' I check the time. '8:25 in the morning…great…' I walk out 2 the kitchen quietly and start the coffee. As I wait, I hear the doorbell. "Shit!" I say and run 2 get it. My dog, Max, followed me 2 the door. I open it to see carly there with Hidan and Tobi. "Knock next time, ok? I'm surprised my guys are still asleep….." I mutter

"Sorry, I'll keep that in mind next time," she says. I nod and let them in. I run into itachi in the hall.

"ah hell. Doorbell?" I ask. He nods and I say "beat up carly, she did it"

"hey! I'm right here" she says

"I know" I reply. I go back to the coffee machine n get my cup for the morning. "Ok, Hidan and Tobi, keep yer mouths shut until everyone wakes up. Understand me?" they both nod. "Good. Carly, why are you up again?"

"Work" she replied "bye" she turns and walks out.

**OK! That's it for this chappie…..next 1's all carly! Fun fun…..HANNAH MARTIN WHERE IS YER POV?**

**Akira: o_o I would hate 2 b her right now…**

**Me: I would 2….*glares at a wall***

**Akira: o_o uh…..R&R PLZ! THERES A BUTTON 4 THAT!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Me: OMFG IM SRRY! I didn't have a comp 4 the LONGEST time!**

**Akira: School computer…? **

**Me: security block. Stupid school ppl….anyway, here's chapter 5! Hope u like! X3**

I sigh and rub my forehead as Carly drives away in her truck. Then my home phone rings.

"DON'T TOUCH IT!" I yell when Hidan goes to attack it.

"It's loud and annoying!" He shoots back.

"It's supposed to be!" I walk over, pick it up, and press the talk button. "Hello?" I ask as I go to my room.

"Hi! How are things at home?" It was my mom, checking up on me.

"Quiet." I thought it best not to tell her about the Akatsuki. She would send me to a mental hospital if I did.

"That's good. Are you keeping up your grades in college?"

"Yes ma'am." I'm not five.

"What about a job?"

"I have an interview tomorrow." I'll need to get Hannah to watch everyone here. We talk for a while longer, sending death glares to Hidan, Tobi, or Kakuzu when they make noise. Finally, she hangs up and I slump onto the couch.

"Who the fuck was it?" Hidan asked.

"The Hokage you bitch." I was in a bad mood because I wasn't able to drink my coffee.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"BAKA! It was my mother!"

"Shut up, the both of you." Kakuzu mutters.

"My house Kakuzu. If you're nice to me, I'll let you take care of my bills and be my financial advisor while you are here. Just don't steal the money. Or I'll kill you."

"Deal." He immediately says.

"Okay then…..Ima gonna get dressed and call Hannah so we can go to the mall for clothes." I stand, and head off to my room. Then I turn back to the living room. "You guys will have to temporarily give up your cloaks. You can't wear them here." I turn back around and walk down the hall, listening to them grumble, and remove their cloaks. I smile as I close my door and get dressed. Afterwards, I call Hannah.

"Hannah! Shopping day!" I say in a sins-song voice when she answers her phone.

"Alright! Give us ten minutes to get ready!" She whines.

"Fine," I sigh. "Oh, by the way, I have Hidan and Tobi while Carly is at work and you'll need to be over here to Akatsuki-sit while I have a job interview."

"Why?"

"You're the only one without a job and has free time." Then I smile and say evilly. "You'll have to watch all of them tomorrow."

"You don't have to be mean about it!"

"Aaaaannnnnddddd _you_ don't have a choice."

"Fine!"

"Now get off the phone and hurry up! We are waiting for you guys. Drive over here when you are ready." I hang up and gather up my drawing stuff and a picture of Pein I printed off and head for the living room/kitchen. I sit at the kitchen table and start drawing.

"What is that?" Pein asks.

"You. I already have Sasori, Itachi, Hidan, and Deidara."

"Why?"

"I'm weird. In case you haven't noticed."

"…"

"Fine." I sigh. "I'm drawing all of you guys. It's been an ongoing project for a few years now. I think Tobi and Kakuzu are gonna be hard…then again, you are too."

"Tobi wants to help!"

"Sorry Tobi, but no."

"Where did you get the pictures?" Pein asks.

"You guys are famous here. Of course people can get pictures of you anytime they want." I pull out my laptop and start it up. When it's done, I open up Google images and type "pein" in the search box. Instantly, hundreds of pictures of him pop up. "All we gotta do is that. And you should smile more." I added when I say a picture of him smiling.

"You can do that for all of us?" he asks, ignoring my last comment.

"Yup. Watch." I go back to the search box, erase Pein and type in "Kakuzu". The same thing happened, only with the money-lover. Then, just for the heck of it, I type in all of the ones I'm missing (minus Madara, I'll get him when no one's around) and save the pictures to my thumb drive. As I searched, the others came over and watched.

"Konan, do just not like to face forward?" I ask. I was looking for her and I couldn't find a non fan picture of her head facing forward.

"Hn."

"Never mind." I mumble, rolling my eyes. Then I type in "Akatsuki Sasuke." Pictures of Sasuke come up in the red cloud robes, and I watch Itachi out of the corner of my eye. He betrays nothing on his face, but I had the feeling he would corner me later on. I search for the rest of Sasuke's team and save the pictures I find. While I was looking up Suigetsu, I see a picture of Madara.

"Hey! Who the fuck is that?" Hidan asks, seeing the same picture.

"Uhhh….No one important." I quickly lie and scroll down. I notice that Tobi went quiet and Itachi, Pein and Konan were staring at me. I ignore them and continue with my search.

Ten minutes later, Hannah, Dei, Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu show up.

"Hannah! Can everyone minus me fit in yer van?"  
"Uh, yeah….."

"Good! We are going to the mall. I'm taking my motorcycle."

"Ok Everyone load up!" Hannah yells. The Akatsuki glare at her, but goes to her van.

"Hannah." I stop her from following the guys.

"Yeah,"

"I slipped up. I was looking for a picture of Suigetsu and there was a picture of Madara and Hidan saw it."

"He'll be on your tail! You have to be careful Alyssa!

"I know! Take everyone but Itachi, Pein, Konan and Tobi when we get there. As long as Madara keeps that mask on, I can face him."

"Not alone!"

"I have to. Someone needs to keep the others busy."

"Fine…."

"I'll meet you there. And I'm not paying for all of it. And Carly also gave me her debit card and pin number yesterday so she could also "help out" with the shopping."

"Okay." She leaves and I get my helmet and cut and head out to my bike. It was a sleek, black with purple tribal swirl things Harley. My father knows me so well.

When I was five minutes away from the mall (it takes two hours to get from my house to the nearest mall. Welcome to the middle of nowhere, Kansas), I passed a car dealership. I had to turn around to make sure I actually saw what I thought I saw. But it was there, shining in the sun. A 1967 Chevrolet Impala. In perfect condition. I had to have it.

I then head for the mall and meet Hannah and the Akatsuki in the food court.

"Ok Hannah, I'll start off with Itachi, Pein, Konan, and Tobi. Meet me at Buckle in an hour."

"Why Buckle?"

"They have the coolest clothes and these guys will NOT wander around in rags as long as I can help it. Now go!" She leaves with the rest of the Akatsuki, leaving me alone with Madara Uchiha and the other three that knew who he was.

"You know who I am. Otherwise you wouldn't have lied obviously to Hidan." Madara said, totally dropping the Tobi act.

"We all do. And I don't just mean Me, Hannah and Carly. Everyone who watches _Naruto_ knows. But none of them will just yell it out. We are smart. Especially with you here. Those of us who are sane are scared of you. Your fan girls, on the other hand, want you for a night."

"Fan girls?"

"Girls who are in love with you. Every guy from your universe has them."

"So everyone in this universe knows who I am?"

"No, I never said that. Only the people who keep up with the going ons in your universe. Everyone else is blissfully ignorant."

"What if you and the other fan girls ruin that ignorance?"  
"We'll be sent to a mental hospital. Like I said, you guys aren't real here."

"So do I have to worry about anything?"

"No sir. Like I said, those of who are sane are more scared of you than a mental hospital."

"Good." I knew that he was done and Hannah, Carly, and I were clear…for now.

We spend the next hour going through different stores and buying stuff. Though, I had to buy stuff. Call it a girl thing. Anyway, with 45 minutes to go before we met Hannah and the others, we went to Hot Topic. When we stepped in, everyone stared at Pein. Then they all crowded around him, asking where he got his piercings done. They were five seconds away from falling to their knees and worshipping him when I butted in.

"ALRIGHT! Get goin, ya ijits! We came here to shop, not ambushed! NOW MOVE!" I yell. They leave us alone and we pick up a few things for Pein and Konan. I, of course, could not resist the gloves and a Naruto leaf headband. After that lil' adventure, we head for Buckle.

Hannah and the others were already there.

"Finally! Come on guys, let's get da cool stuff. We spend the next hour and a half playing dress up with the Akatsuki. With my and the salespeople's help, they all got cool, bad-ass clothes. We paid and went to the food court for lunch/dinner.

"Hannah! Tomorrow after Carly gets off I'm gonna have her drive me back up. I finally found my dream car at the dealership five minutes from here."

"So you're gonna buy it and do what with the truck…?

"Give it to Carly if she wants. If not its going to the junkyard. I'm sick and tired of it."

"Fine."

When we got back to my house, Carly was there and waiting.

"HI CARLY-CHAN!" Tobi practically yells.

"Hi Tobi."

"Here ya go Carly." I hand her the debit card she let me use. "Now everyone has clothes the public will accept and mostly ignore. And we really need to do something with Pein's piercings. It attracted tons of attention at Hot Topic. I swear, the people there were five seconds away from falling to their knees and worshipping him!"

"Oh nice!"

"You can't take my piercings. If what you said is true, then you know I need them." Pein protests.

"I know, I know. Learn the difference between seriousness and light joking. Anywho, I need you to take me back to Manhattan tomorrow Carly.

"Why?"

"1967 Chevy Impala is calling my name….."

"Haha! Sure thing. Can I have the truck then?"

"Take it! I don't care."

"What are you two talking about?" Sasori asks.

"Cars. 1967 Chevy Impala's to be exact. They are the BEST cars out there. A fine example of eternal beauty."

"Hn. I'll have to see it first."

"We know. Anyway…..who wants to see a movie tomorrow night?" I ask them in general.

"TOBI DOES!"

"I need to pray to Jashin-sama…!"  
"What's a movie?" Itachi asks.

"Smart weasel." Hannah says.

"Hannah! Be nice! Anyway, a movie is a awesome way to pass time. It's a series of pictures that are so fast, it looks like the people are actually moving on the TV screen."

"Hn."

"So we are all in agreement to watch _The Amityville Horror_ tomorrow after I get my Chevy? Good! Good night guys." Hannah and Carly then leaves with their guys and my house hold settles down

**Me: AAAAANNNDDDDD that's it for Chapter five! Anyway, I don't think I've introduced Akira, my helper. Say hi.**

**Akira: Hi.**

**Me: yay! Now we all friends. I promise, I'll try to make the Akatsuki be more active. PlZ DNT HURT MEH! T.T**

**Akira: there is a button right below this that says "Read and Review" press it. NOW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Me: Hey guys! Ima gonna do 3 new things to the story**

**Akira, says in singsong voice: 4 new things…..**

**Me: shaddup…..anyways, im bringing in two new characters, my Friends Amanda and Kat, who likes to b called Kitty-Kat. Next, each Akatsuki member will have chapters, or parts of chapters, in their POV. Finally…I'm bringing in Sasuke and team Kai or wateva for Amanda's benefit. She is and extreme Sasuke Fan-girl. And I'm gonna speak some Italian, just 'cause I can.**

**Akira: Anyway, Sasori's first for the last part of this chapter. Enjoy!**

I crack open my eyes and crane my head up to see my clock. It was 10:25. I sigh, happy that I got to sleep in. Then I sit up, starting to freak. Why was it quiet? I strain my ears to listen in to what was going on in the living room.

"Damn it Itachi! Why the fuckin hell did you do that?" Hidan yelled so suddenly that I jumped about five feet into the air.

"Sparing the rest of us from having to listen to you yell." Came Itachi's cool reply.

_Did he use the sharingan on Hidan just so I can sleep in? Why can't boys in this world do shit like that? I guess chivalry hasn't completely died after all._ I think to myself, getting out of bed.

"I'll kill you, un!" Deidara yells at Itachi as I walk in.

_He must've used it on Dei-kun too…._ Then I notice that my house was crowded. I look around for Hannah, and spot her sitting on the floor next to the couch.

"Oh, good morning. I knew you wanted to sleep in so I asked Itachi-san if he could use the sharingan on the louder members to keep them quiet." She explained.

"So it wasn't chivalry. Damn." I mutter, standing next to her.

"He could've said no easy. But he didn't. So part of it might have been chivalry."

"Maybe." I leave here and shove my way to the coffee machine. I make my cup and sit down, taking a sip. Then my home phone rang, all the way on the other side of the room.

"Dammit."

"I got it." Hannah said, getting up and grabbing it.

"How come that fuckin bitch can get the damn phone thing?" Hidan asked.

"She knows how to use it now everyone shut up!" I say.

"Hello?...yeah, just a sec….wait, who is this?" Hannah was saying as she made her way over to me. "Ok, here she is." She pulls the phone away from her ear and covers the mouthpiece. "It's some girl name Kat…?" She hands the phone to me.

"Kitty-Kat! What's up?" I ask, happy to hear from my friend.

"My love! We kinda have a problem at Amanda's house. Sasuke and the rest of team Kai randomly appeared in her living room." She said.

"Really?" I ask. What the hell was going on here?

"If ya don't believe me you can come see for yerself. Amanda's hyperventilating."

"No, I believe you. Trust me." I think fast. " I can't come right now…can you wait about three and a half hours? I'm going to get a car, and I have to wait for a friend to pick me up. I can come by afterwards."

"Can't you come now?"

"No….."

"Why?"

"I'll explain when I get there, k?"

"Fine"

"Just make sure they don't leave the house or kill anyone, ok? And keep Amanda calm."

"Tay! Bai bai my love!"

"Bye." I hang up and take a sip of my coffee.

"What's going on? Hannah asks. The rest of the Akatsuki look at me inquisitively.

"Okay…..Who all knows Sasuke Uchiha? Raise your hand if you do." Everyone but Hidan raises their hands.

"All right. He and team Kai or what the freak ever they are now showed up in my friend Amanda's living room."

"really?" Hannah said, annoyed. Everyone else's reactions varied from mild surprise to no reaction at all. Hidan was really confused, though.

"Wait! Who the fuck is this Sasuke?" he explodes.

"Hidan" Itachi says quietly.

"What?" Hidan turns to him and is immediately captures in the sharingan again.

"Okay then…anywaays, I'm gonna head over there after I get my Impala and talk to them." I drain the last of my coffee and go into my room and Prepare for my job interview.

At one, Carly pulls up outside my new work place. I jog outside and slide into the passenger seat.

"Hey"

"Hi, What's up?" she asks

"Sasuke and his team showed up in my friend Amanda's house this morning. And I got a job." I throw out casually.

"Seriously?"

"Yup and yup."

"What's going on? And congratulations."

"You got me there. I'll call everyone together this afternoon and try to figure this crap out." I say, staring out the window. The rest of the ride we talked about cars and such.

An hour and a half later, I pull into Amanda's driveway in my new, to me, 1967 Chevy Impala. I slide out and slam the door. I look up when the house door opens and Amanda comes charging out.

"Alyssa!" Amanda practically screams as she runs to me. "I am freaking out! Sasuke-kun –"  
"I know. Kitty-Kat told me this morning. And don't scream shit out like that, ok?" I say, guiding her back into the house.

"Alyssa my love!" Kat says when she sees me and hugs me tightly. "Can I kill a certain red headed bitch?" She whispers in a sweet, I'm-about-to-kill-people voice.

"Sure, but don't get caught. No one likes her anyways."

"Yayz!"

"Hey! Who the hell are you?" Suigetsu yells, appearing behind Kat.

"Bastardo! Fuck off. I'm the only one who's sane here, with the exception of Amanda."

"To a point." Kat adds.

"To a point" I allow.

"I don't think I like you."

"I don't think I care, Bastardo."

"Suigetsu, you know they told us she would be coming. Assuming you are Alyssa, right?" Sasuke says, striding into the hallway with Karin and Juugo right behind him.

"I am." I say. "Now, have either of these two explained the rules?"

"yeah! Kat said we could kill people!" Suigetsu offered.

"Bastardo! No killing whatsoever!"

"Amanda said not to break anything." Juugo said.

"And that we have to law low." Karin finished.

"Good, Amanda. Bad Kitty-Kat. You don't tell these guys that." I say turning to them.

"But I already killed Naruto and Sakura." Kat said.

"Say what?"

"They showed up in my living room and I killed them. Then I hid their corpses. I'm gonna bury them when I get home." She stated way too calmly. I stared at her for a second, and then shook my head.

"Fine. But don't encourage them." I say, jabbing my thumb behind me in a Sasuke-ish direction.

"Fine." She pouted. I turned back to Sasuke and co.

"Alright, the rules are the same as my groups'. First rule: don't kill anybody! Number two, don't draw attention to yourselves, and 3, don't break anything. Questions?"

"Who's your group?" Sasuke , Amanda, and Kat ask at the same time.

"Wow…the Akatsuki showed up in my house a few days ago."

"Kisame-sama is here?" Suigetsu asks excitedly.

"Sasori no danna?" Kat says hopefully.

"Yes and yes! All of them!"

"Itachi and Deidara are dead. I killed them." Sasuke protests.

"Then please explain to me as to why they are in my house at this very second." I challenge.

"Prove it." He says, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Fine." I whip out my cell and dial Hannah's number. She answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, put your cell on speakerphone and get Itachi and Deidara. Sasuke's in denial." I smirk at him. He just glares daggers at me. No biggie.

"Okay."

"Bene."

"What happened to the Japanese?"

"Assassins Creed, Ezio Auditore da Firenze. That's what happened."

"Like I even know what that is. Dei! Itachi! Alyssa wants to talk to you!" I put my phone on speakerphone also.

"Hello…?" I hear Itachi ask.

"Uh…do I just talk, un?" Dei practically explodes.

"Yes, Deidara. Anyways, Sasuke fully believes you two are dead."

"No way, un! Though I do remember him killing me back in our world…."

"Same here." Itachi says

"Huh, interesting. Well, Sasuke, there you have it. Your brother and Deidara are alive in this world."

"Hn."

"Hannah!"

"What?"

"I'ma round these guys up and head back, interrogate them and watch the movie. See ya in a bit!" I hang up and turn to Kat and Amanda. "Load 'em up and follow me. We're going to my house."

**-Sasori's POV-**

I sigh and close my eyes, wishing Deidara and Tobi would just shut up. Hidan too, and that annoying Hannah girl doesn't help either. Maybe I could slip some poison into their drinks later.

"Shut up Deidara." I growl, knowing he might actually listen to me.

"Sorry Danna." He says.

"Can't you guys be nice?" the girl asks.

"No" everyone says. I sigh again, wishing I had a puppet to work on to keep me busy.

The door opens then and in walks the first girl, the one with the dark brown hair with purple streaks. Alyssa, I think. She was followed by Team Kai, then two other girls. One had short brown hair and wide brown eyes. She wore what Alyssa called jeans, a baggy shirt, and a black jacket. The second one had long blonde hair with blue streaks. When the light hit them just right, her light blue eyes had red and silver specks in them. She also wore those jeans, but hers' were barely hanging on because of all the holes. Her shirt was black and had a picture of all the Akatsuki members on it. Strange. I guess Alyssa was right when she said we were infamous fictional characters here. The girl also had piercings, a purple lip ring and a silver nose ring.

"Hi guys!" Alyssa called out. "These are my friends Amanda," she indicates to the first girl. "And Kat," She waved her hand towards the blonde. "We have team Kai," She wildly gestured in their general direction. "But before we start the movie, I wanna see what all you guys remember before you appeared in my house." She turns to team kai. "You guys can just find an empty space to sit." She says before she settled next to Itachi. The blonde immediately bounced over to the couch, where I was, and sat next to me.

"Okay, Kisame! Tell me what you remember before you came here." Alyssa grabs a pen and paper pad that was in front of her to take notes. I watched them, bored and not really paying much attention to their conversation. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kat look around and then lean on me. I look down to glare at her. She laughs softly, and then pulls out a cigarette and lights up, refusing to get off of me.

"Oh! Kat, we don't have ashtrays." Alyssa says when she smells the cigarette.

"That's otay, my love. You should know by now that I always carry one with me." Kat says, smiling. "Sasori-kun, if you don't stop glaring, I'll have to hurt you." She lowers her voice to a deadly whisper.

"Hurt me how?" I scoff.

"You'll have to wait and see, won't cha?" she laughs darkly.

"I really don't think you can." I say harshly.

"Oh really now?" she says smirking evilly. "My love, does he not know the things I can show him?" she raises her voice, laughing like a demonic child.

"Huh?" Alyssa looks over. "No, you two just met and please leave me out of this." She says nervously.

"Well, you'll just have to spend more time with me." Kat says, smiling and scooting even closer to me. I sigh, exasperated. Then Alyssa's face lights up with an idea.

"He can stay with you Kitty-Kat. Suck it up Hannah. She'll be raping him. Not me. Thank the gods for small miracles." She says almost hopefully.

"Alyssa, my love, you'll never get out of it. Ever." Kat says sweetly.

"Oh gods no…..why must I suffer the torture of being your friend?"

"You're my wife, love. You'll never escape me."

Alyssa shrinks into Itachi and motions for Tobi to go. I close my eyes and lean back. Anything to get away from that idiot, suicidal serial bomber. I was pretty sure that Kat couldn't do anything to me. Even if she tried, I would poison her and she'd be dead three days afterwards.

Kay leans forward and I open my eyes to see her put out the butt of her cigarette. Then she leans on my shoulder and cuddles into my side.

"Yay…I get to take you home with me." She whispers quietly.

"Quit leaning on me." I growl.

"Fuck you it ain't gonna happen." She growls back at me. I stare at her, wondering when she was gonna stop leaning on me. Suddenly, she sits up and leans in close to my face and kisses me gently.

"You can't win against me." She giggles sweetly. And for the first time in a long time, I felt the slight stirrings of emotion.

**Me: Annnnddddd…..Cut! and FYI, the whole rape/molesting thing btwn me and Kat is NOT REAL! I'm still a virgin, thank the gods. I am pagan too, so.**

**Akira: heh.**

**Me: wat? Nvr mind. Anyway it took a while to do this chappie and Kat and I have already written out manuscripts for chappies all the way to ten so I'll try to update b4 the rest of spring break is out.**

**Akira: press the little button that says review!**

**Me: or Kat will rape and kill you. O_O**


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